Review - Love in the Time of Cholera

Love in the Time of Cholera, starring Javier Bardem is a terrible adaptation of the fantastic novel by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. While the novel deals with heavy themes like love and death set against social change in South America, the movie has forsaken these themes and instead chosen to focus on awkward interactions between its characters. The story follows Florentino (Bardem), who is in love with the fair Fermina. Essentially, because he can't be with her, he beds anyone he can. The message of the movie (I think) is that despite his carnal satisfaction he never gives his heart to anyone but Fermina.
The camerawork in the movie is sloppy in spite of the beautiful and lavish backdrops, which really do manage to capture the unique flavor of South America. However, the design of the film fails in almost every other department, especially the absolutely terrible character make-up. Bardem is laughable as the aged Florentino and most of the supporting characters are wheedling, sleep-inducing parodies of characters seen in a thousand other movies.
Even the script falters, not really allowing any of the characters to develop naturally and putting forth so many lines of stiff, poorly placed dialogue that it feels like the film has been badly dubbed. I suppose that some of the credit must go to Bardem and the other actors who all deliver overwrought, overacted, unappealing performances. Bardem especially, is so annoyingly trite in this film that it is nearly impossible to root for him.
Finally, the film completely misread the themes of the novel and seems to be proposing excessive fornication as the way to deal with rejected and unrequited love. Half of the movie consists of some of the most awkward sex scenes ever put to film. In one Benjamin Bratt's character tries to "teach" his new wife about her wifely duties and just when you think it cant get any worse we get another scene in which Bardem beds while a cat watches angrily. While they are in the throes of passion the cat leaps onto him, digging its claws into his back. the camera cuts to what is obviously a few minutes later and now his back is covered in little bits of toilet paper which has been stuck to the dozen or so sets of claw prints on his back.
Director Mike Newell seems to have forgotten his audience with this movie. His last, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, was for children. This one was not. Cholera should have been a thoughtful examination of the undying power of love, not an excuse to foist gratuitous, graceless sex scenes on his audience. Cholera is a failure at every level-- from the screenplay to the direction and even to the packaging of the DVD which is covered in gaudy, discolored flowers. Javier Bardem is lucky he had No Country for Old Men this year because this film would have secured his spot as 'unnamed man with Penelope Cruz" in all of the tabloids.